What's in a name - Automotive edition

"RightFootDown" (rightfootdown)
02/20/2015 at 10:07 • Filed to: None

A car's name means a lot. It gives you a sense of what it is, what can it do for you, how it can make your life better. There's a great Seinfeld bit where he ponders the fact that " no baron has ever owned a LeBaron " and, at least in the mid 1990s, automakers would "mangle a positive word into a car name". He lists a few great Japanese performance cars and their names.

"Integra." Oh, integrity? No, Integra. The "Supra." Or the "Impreza." Yeah? Well, I hope it's not a "lemona"…or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."

In today's automotive world, it seems that most automakers are going alpha-numeric. I blame the Germans. However, there are still some great carmakers around using real live names, but not many. Out of (35) nameplates on Edmunds.com, only (16) of them use something beyond just letters and numbers. That's sad since most cars used to have real names that meant something. But do the ones that are still around actually mean anything? Our crack investigative team went to find out*.

Click Here For the Full Original Article on RightFootDown (Opens in a new tab)

Accord – Oh Honda, this entire column (article? farce?) could have been written about you. It's like a Honda intern in Minami-Aoyama, Minato-ku, Tokyo 107-8556 (In case you want to visit) opened up a World History textbook years ago and started combing the pages for names for their cars. Peace Accord, that sounds like something we'd like to be associated with! Webster defines it as "to give (something, such as special treatment or status) to someone or something". Nailed it.

Avenger – Dodge almost got a pass. The names of all their 2015 cars are real, and they're pretty cool. Challenger, Charger, Durango, Dart, Journey, Viper! But then I looked at the 2014s. There I found not only one of the worst rental cars I've ever driven, but perhaps one of the most inaccurately named cars on this list. The Avenger. When you picture someone avenging something, you picture Batman, The Bride from Kill Bill, Brandon Lee in The Crow, or maybe Denzel in Man on Fire. Carnage, bullets flying, bodies stacking up. Vengeance. Look at the car above and tell me what it's avenging? Long lines at Enterprise? The asshole at the Hertz counter who said you're not eligible to upgrade to that Elantra? Perhaps the most appropriate bit is that to "avenge" means to "inflict harm in return for an injury or wrong done to oneself or another". It certainly did that to anyone who bought, or was unfortunate enough to spend time in, one. Thankfully, the Avenger is dead. Good riddance.

Camaro – Let's break this one down since it's a real word, but not really a real word. Cam , that sounds automotive. It has a camshaft, right? Or maybe Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller's buddy. His Dad had a cool car. Aro , reminds me of "aero" but it's shaped like a turnip so that can't be. Maybe it's camshafts are aerodynamic! I think we're onto something here. Maro , I don't get much out of that. Bone marrow perhaps? Do Camaro owners donate more bone marrow than other car owners? That sounds like a very worthwhile study. I'll call NIH, maybe we can get a grant.

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Enclave – An enclave is, by definition, a "a place or group that is different in character from those surrounding it" (emphasis mine). But that's the definition of the word, there is nothing saying GM actually means that this is any different than your average SUV. Particularly since it's on the GM Lambda platform which the Traverse, Acadia, and Saturn Outlook share. Well, shared in the Saturn's case. Rest in peace. Meanwhile, I'm imagining that there's an intern at Buick somewhere shouting "holy shit, someone in DC just Googled "Buick Enclave". But hey, at least Buick uses real names, not some alphanumeric crap. Could be worse. The name that is, their SUV could be much better.

Genesis – There is something about Asia that has always assured us 'Muricans will get some awesome car names. Above you see the Hyundai Genesis, the origin, the beginning of the Bible, the band Genesis. That's a lot to live up to. It's certainly not the first Hyundai. Inside, you won't find Phil Collins OR Peter Gabriel. Although the average owner's iPod probably has them. It's not even the best most expensive, that honor basic factual statement goes to the Equus! And that's a genus of mammals that include the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Lovely. Thanks Korea! Maybe you should stick to naming SUVs after Southwestern cities. You know who doesn't suck at it, Cousin Kia! I figured they did, but in fact Cadenza means "virtuoso solo passage inserted into a movement in a concerto or other work". Forte means "a thing at which someone excels". Optima is the plural form of "optimum". Son of a bitch, well played Kia, well played.

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Gran….Something – Oh BMW, what auto journo piece lambasting naming nomenclature would be complete without you? Ze Germans from Bavaria will sell you a coupe (even numbers), a sedan (odd numbers), or a Gran Coupe Sedan, like the 4-series pictured above. Which is a sedan. With a sloping roofline. Making it also a coupe. A Gran coupe. Wait, I just said even numbers have two doors! God damn it. Gran is a mid 19th century abbreviation for Grandmother . Ok, that's not very cool. But wait, there's more gran-goodness. They will also sell you a 3 Series Gran Turismo Hatchback! So that's a 3-series, which means 4-door at least. Right? Well, it's a hatchback, so it's similar to the 4-series (which again, is a 4-door)? Well at least the name is cooler. This one means a "high-performance model of automobile" and comes from mid 20th century Italian, literally meaning 'great touring.' Got it? Wait, no. Purely alpha-numeric BMW was less confusing.

Malibu – There's an old adage in the business world, "dress for the job you want, not the job you have". I get the feeling that someone at Chevrolet read that in a magazine at some point and decided to name their car after a very affluent place. Of course the name originates from a trim level on the Chevelle back in the 60s, but it is actually named after the LA suburb in California and fits this car like a smedium t-shirt fits the Rock. Poorly. We already covered the Camaro, but Chevy gets two vehicles on this list. That's because Chevy is the most Japanese of the American car companies in the sense that most of their names make little sense. Silverado, Spark, Sonic, Cruze, Equinox, Traverse. Again, this whole pile of crap article could focus on Chevy. Those crazy bastards. Perhaps next time, I'm not done with you yet Chevrolet.

RAV4 – This sounds like it really means something and was the genesis of the concept for this article. See what I did there? Acronyms could be R…..something-Activity-Vehicle. Maybe Ravenous ? Responsive ? Raucous ? Rave ? No, those don't really fit, do they? I'm certainly not piling this thing full of E and glow sticks and going to the abandoned warehouse district to dance all night. So what about Rational ? Respectful ? Relatively-Unobtrusive ? And "4", that has to mean something, right? 4 wheels? Seats 4? Number of times the average owner contemplates suicide a day?

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Versa – I almost gave Nissan a pass. Like Dodge, they have some solid names. Armada, Pathfinder, Frontier, Rogue, Titan! These are things that make me feel manly and important as a car buyer (even if you're a chick). Heck like it or not, even Juke, Cube and Leaf describe the overall feeling of those vehicles. And then there's the Versa. Like Seinfeld said, I'm supposed to think of positive words like "versatile" right? So this must come in various configurations, maybe a hatchback or wagon version? No. It's the only the bland, entry-level sedan you see above. Regardless of what Nissan may show you on TV (please stop violating physics btw) the Versa is not "able to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities" as the definition would suggest. It comes in (5) exterior and (1) interior color and will haul about 14.9 cu.ft.of stuff. One of those multi-colored click-pens back in the 80s was more versatile, and had more color options! This Nissan sounds versatile but if it came down to this versa killing yourself buying a bus pass, I would go mass transit any day.

Conclusion

So there you have it. Automakers are still making shit up, which should come as no surprise. After all, as enthusiasts we yearn for strong names names like Mustang, Cougar, Maverick, and Goose. Wait. I mean names like Charger, Cobra, Carrera, Countach, Corvette, and LaFerrari. Sorry, I'm losing my focus, scratch that last one.

This wasn't meant to be an indictment of non-alpha-numeric names. And many of you will have registered your displeasure with me and defend names like these without reading down to this section. I will then call you out for not reading the entire article. You've been warned. Tune in next time for "What's in a name". Thanks for watching, good night.

Follow @williambyrdusa

*We basically went to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (where we found all these ridiculously consistent images) and the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , where we asked it to define things for us. Which it did without protest.

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DISCUSSION (100)

HiredDriver > RightFootDown
02/20/2015 at 10:08

OMG. OMG. OMG. DIEING OVER HERE. BEST WAY TO START A FRIDAY!

William Byrd > RightFootDown
02/20/2015 at 10:36

This came to me sitting in DC traffic. Perhaps anger and frustration begets humorous observations about car names. Who knows. Let me know which ones I missed, this may become a short series. Short is the operative word since, as the article states, not many real names out there in car land anymore.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RightFootDown
02/20/2015 at 11:21

Car names to bring back. Go!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/20/2015 at 11:21

Legend

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RightFootDown
02/20/2015 at 11:22

I always loved the Ford Aspire (To Get A Better Car).

William Byrd > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/20/2015 at 11:28

haha I almost mentioned that one! One of my all-time favorites.

William Byrd > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/20/2015 at 11:28

Solid choice.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > William Byrd
02/20/2015 at 11:34

But, if they brought it back, it wouldn't be just a legend anymore...

RallyWrench > RightFootDown
02/20/2015 at 12:47

In fairness to the Malibu name, the original 2-door version would look pretty damn good cruising PCH, which may have been what they had in mind. Now, it's just a misapplied name from their past.

William Byrd > RallyWrench
02/20/2015 at 12:53

Definitely! It's today's version that just doesn't live up.

Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:26

Kinja'd!!!

Hey, better than Rendezvous!

DJHerbert > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:27

Zonda. Best name ever.

jimz > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:28

Kinja'd!!!

The 2011+ "Emergency Refresh" was a decent car. The '07-'10 was miserable thanks to Nickel-and-Daimler.

JesusFingChrist > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:29

ass-spire

Gary Yogurt > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:29

Bearcat

JustWaitingForAMate > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:32

A Honda....Prelude?

Kinja'd!!!

prelude

prljud/

noun

1 .

an action or event serving as an introduction to something more important.

Never understood that one, a prelude to what?!?!

boobytrapsandtreasure > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:32

Somebody needs to launch a Honey Badger automobile.

472CID > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:32

I've read that Camaro means little friend or shrimp in French. Also an Enclave is a piece of country that's surrounded by another country, like so: at the time Buick's Suv was surrounded by cars.

Kinja'd!!!

Some comedian had a bit about a chump that bought an Integra because it sounded like integrity.

KillerBee > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:33

The Avenger. When you picture someone avenging something, you picture Batman

Your confusion of Marvel/DC comic universes offends my inner nerd.

Scallootch > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:33

Silly oppo. 'Camaro' is derived from the Portuguese word for 'shrimp.' I thought everybody knew that.

Alex B > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:34

My mom said she would never drive a Versa because te name reminded her of the disease Mersa.

Autojunkie > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:34

Ford Aspire:

Buy this piece of shit to help you aspire to one day owning a better car.

Kinja'd!!!

Sweet Trav > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:34

CT6 - Also known as Johan's folly. This lifeless boring term extended to Cadillac under his tenure from 2013-2016 was a time of unprecedentedly good cars, however the cars didn't sell, his confusing, boring, pointless naming scheme is (at least partially) to blame along with his enduring obsession to copy everything the German Luxury car makers have done.

detailer4u > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:35

Diablo!

Kinja'd!!!

Hans_Moleman > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:35

RAV4 stands for Recreational Activity Vehicle (like skiing or hiking or mountain climbing), 4 wheel drive, which follows the lead of the name 4Runner which was a combination of 4 wheel drive and Offroad Runner...although the name means nothing to the people who cheap out and get the 2wd versions.

Auto Guy > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:36

Someone (P.J. O'Rourke?) once said that all Toyota car names sound like cigars: Corolla, Corona, Supra, Celica. And all cigar names are suitable for use as Toyota car names: Tiparillo. Fuente. Maduro. Cigarillo. Macanudo.

Pulling this from old brain cells, so help me out if I got the source wrong.

DoYouEvenShift > Gary Yogurt
02/23/2015 at 15:37

Kinja'd!!!

Tremec, + 1 Yugo (aka the Blugo) > 472CID
02/23/2015 at 15:38

If that's the case, they should have just gone with the name Buick Lesotho. It sounds more exotic. . .

William Byrd > KillerBee
02/23/2015 at 15:38

Huh?

KillerBee > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:38

Buick Wildcat

KillerBee > William Byrd
02/23/2015 at 15:41

Batman is a DC Comics character. The Avengers are Marvel. Never the twain shall meet. Except in shared universe comics, which inevitably suck.

Tremec, + 1 Yugo (aka the Blugo) > Scallootch
02/23/2015 at 15:42

I thought it was a French slang term for friend, but I've also heard that it was a name picked from a public competition GM held to name the car, and the meaning for the name was derived in hindsight.

Of course, maybe the person offering the name in the competition knew the meaning. . .

Long story short, I wasn't alive in the 1960s and have no idea how the name originated.

Nonster > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:43

Bonneville, Bel air, Eldorado, Vega, Nova, Chevelle

suss6052 > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:43

Kinja'd!!!

RAV= Recreational Activity Vehicle is plausible enough, with the 4 for either 4 wheels, or 4 wheel drive

William Byrd > KillerBee
02/23/2015 at 15:43

Ah, read closer my friend. I said "The Avenge R ", which is singular and refers to an automobile. I'm familiar with the difference.

Maxxuman > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:44

Thundercougarfalconbird.

Roody > JustWaitingForAMate
02/23/2015 at 15:48

Seem to be going the opposite direction, eh? Unless something "more important" is supposed to mean "'now with less fun!"

Gary Yogurt > DoYouEvenShift
02/23/2015 at 15:49

You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste!

Judd > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:50

Ramcharger

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Judd
02/23/2015 at 15:51

Power Wagon!

what in the what > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:51

Kinja'd!!!

This is the dumbest picture I've ever seen.

Sweet Trav > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:53

Kinja'd!!!

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/society-for-th…

HammerheadFistpunch > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:53

This is enough of an issue that Toyota has this in their FAQ.

Land cruiser is my favorite explanation.

RazorGP > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:54

Kinja'd!!!

I wanna see this photo shoot from the front.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:54

We always called my buddy's purple(!) Aspire, the "Ass Pirate".

Mr. Flareside > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:56

Grenada- sounds like it'll go boom

Aspire- ... To be a car?

classbutnostile > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:57

Probe.

HammerheadFistpunch > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:57

So if I click on the link to read the whole article...will it open up in a new tab?

Toyotathong! > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:57

6000 SUX

Super Nintendo Chalmers > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:57

If Pontiac were still around, I'd just drop the GTO and redesign a modern day Hellcat-like Muscle car and call it.. "The Judge"

drdude > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 15:57

what about the model s.... where it literally has the word model... followed by a single letter.

CALUSA > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 15:58

Everything apart from a letter number combination

Toyotathong! > JustWaitingForAMate
02/23/2015 at 15:59

Never understood that one, a prelude to what?!?!

Honda sucking in the 21st century.

DeltawingGothamDeserves > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:01

Corvair

Aaron K > boobytrapsandtreasure
02/23/2015 at 16:01

I'd buy one.

Super Nintendo Chalmers > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:01

I've always felt Cadillac had something going with their long standing -ville nomenclature. Give them credit, they made it last for Decades while so many other brands would constantly change their name to make people forget how shitty their other cars were. That is of course until GM made them shitty.

nvrdull > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:02

I want to punch you in the concussion for using "muricans". Write it proper or GTFO. But nice write up. :-b

RazorGP > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:02

Kinja'd!!!

The official worst "new car" I had ever driven. its uncomfortable stats and seating position as well as bad looks and worse driving dynamics make it the bottom of the list. Think a rusted out Carolla with one shock strut punched through onto the hood would handle better.

RazorGP > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:03

Kinja'd!!!

The car for those that want to be seen but not actually seen. The high sills and pill-box windows make it easy to hide from others.

RazorGP > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:04

Kinja'd!!!

This isn't a mini-van?

Titan-E34 > what in the what
02/23/2015 at 16:05

...

Kinja'd!!!

KillerBee > William Byrd
02/23/2015 at 16:06

Yeah, but each of the AvengerS, plural, is an AvengeR, singular.

Hulk mad. Hulk smash.

Maxxuman > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:07

Excalibur (just kidding!)

Dr. Strangegun > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:07

Cricket.

nerd_racing > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:12

Kinja'd!!!

Pretty sure it's a French word for friend/companion, similar to impala is spanish for deer...

Dr. Strangegun > Alex B
02/23/2015 at 16:12

Oh, sweet jesus!
Every time I used to hear/see a commercial for one of the local dealerships I'd have a sardonic little snicker at 'blablabla Chrysler Jeep Dodge'.

blablabla CJD.

CJD.

Cruetzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Which is the human version of 'Mad Cow Disease'.

Scallootch > Tremec, + 1 Yugo (aka the Blugo)
02/23/2015 at 16:13

Your sources probably indicated something closer to the 'actual' story, but my version tastes better in garlic butter.

Dr. Strangegun > boobytrapsandtreasure
02/23/2015 at 16:14

Those who could don't give a damn.

STEVOH > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:14

I liked your article. I think it could use more RightFootDown.com plugs though. Like every paragraph instead of every-other

RazorGP > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:15

Kinja'd!!!

RAV-4 Thought it meant Recreational Activity Vehicle - 4 door.

Think it was a play off their home market only 2 door kei "truck" that was a 2 door and about 2 feet shorter on the first model.

nerd_racing > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:15

I owned a fleet of them in college. I found them for $200 or less and often drove them for $500 total investment for over a year. 40+ mpg if they were 5 speed.

itschrome > JustWaitingForAMate
02/23/2015 at 16:17

Kinja'd!!!

DoYouEvenShift > Gary Yogurt
02/23/2015 at 16:18

This is Agent Johnson from the FBI. Be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat.

lorem ipsum > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:22

Fleetwood, Grand Wagoneer, Tempest, Cougar, Marauder

bubbajoe123456 > Tremec, + 1 Yugo (aka the Blugo)
02/23/2015 at 16:24

Chevy Gibraltar?

GranTourer > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:24

This article sucks.

Scuderia2000_ > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:29

Proton Savvy

I'll just leave that there...

DetroitIron4Ever > HammerheadFistpunch
02/23/2015 at 16:32

Wow their answers to FAQ's are hilarious. They actually think people buy that line of crap.

Thanks for sharing.

usingthegasyourhybridissaving > what in the what
02/23/2015 at 16:34

You misspelled "best"

Kaufmania: Mark Webber's Stunt Double > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:34

i approve of the lead photo.

Gordon Moorehead > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:37

Rodeo, hombre, amigo, oasis, and of course trooper (could go either way on impulse!)

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > nerd_racing
02/23/2015 at 16:37

Well done.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > lorem ipsum
02/23/2015 at 16:38

Not the one you were thinking of: https://www.wheelwell.com/profile/54e49b…

Super Nintendo Chalmers > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:39

Some Vehicle name ideas... if I were in charge of Pontiac's resurrection.

1. The Pontiac Judge

New muscle car replaces G8 - Think Hellcat without gay sounding name.

2. The Pontiac SNS

(Short for "Saturday Night Special") Replaces the G6 - becomes more prevalent as a convertible and a very popular option for the urban community who reminisce of the days of actually buying an inexpensive but useful street corner firearm. Think Easy E's "Rolling in my 64" with NAV and climate control.

3. The Pontiac Beater

Entry level high revving flat 4 engined car targeted for the younger kids whose parents have a decent amount more money than they do sense, but not too much more money than sense, otherwise they'd be buying their kid a new BMW or Volvo. Think 1990s DOHC Hondas or Greek Donkeys, either way they'll run regardless of how much you treat them like rentals.

Replaces the apocalyptic sounding event whose drivers' actually wished they could witness, so long as it meant not owning one. Good riddance to you and your ugly face Sunfire.

4. The Pontiac Sled

Because, lets be real. That's what it is. Replaces Mom's Mid sized SUV formally named after those files she had no clue her children were using to pirate all the movies and porn their hard drives could fit.

5. The Pontiac Spartan - Because that's what it is. Its a no frills, light weight gas saving hatch. Think Cayman R without the performance engine, fancy suspension, or ability to dodge squirrels in traffic. It comes in well under 3000 lbs, thanks to the huge weight savings of pull handles and with a feisty 110 hp detuned "Pontiac Beater" engine - this will get you from 0-60 in less than Van Helen's Eruption.

This my friends... is how you fucking sell cars.

Super Nintendo Chalmers > DJHerbert
02/23/2015 at 16:41

Zonda sounds like a creature you'd see in a David Bowie Movie.

YoeMeyeR > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:46

Prelude

Yes, I like Jukes > RightFootDown
02/23/2015 at 16:47

There WAS a hatchback vesion of the Versa. The IS a new hatchback version of the versa. It's called the Versa Note. And other than being slower than a slug covered in salt, its not the most un-versatile vehicle.

Maxxuman > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
02/23/2015 at 16:56

Marina

Pinto

Edsel

Gremlin

Pacer

NEVER GIVE UP!!

Ad_absurdum_per_aspera > 472CID
02/23/2015 at 16:57

Enclave works for me as a car name because dictionary definitions of words don't always keep up with the pop-cultural ones. It would be commonly understood by Americans in the sense of a " lifestyle enclave " — a neighborhood, up to and including a gated community, of people who are better off than the city at large and seek similar company. A car company that wants to regain its old aspirational, fairly luxurious image would obviously court that demographic.